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Quality journalism

c't 25/2017. A test of the new iPhone X entitled Für die nächsten 10 Jahre. In the conclusion on page 55:

Nur das iPhone X zeigt, wie ein aktuelles Smartphone aussehen sollte. [...] Face ID ist ein Alleinstellungsmerkmal gegenüber allen anderen und man möchte es nach kürzester Zeit nicht mehr missen.

Same issue on page 60: A test of the new OnePlus 5T entitled Hohe Schlagzahl.

Zusätzlich baut OnePlus eine Gesichtserkennung ein. Die arbeitet in unter einer halben Sekunde, ließ sich nicht von Fotos überlisten und nicht von Brillen oder Mützen verwirren.

It is well known that a significant percentage of the population and apparently 100% of all journalists suffer from a catastrophic failure of higher cerebral functions when being confronted with products from Apple. But what's the reason for this distressing loss of self-control? Well, if you look into my previous post on a recension of the iPad by Spiegel Online, it is clear that this loss closely resembles the one seen in sexually overloaded situations such as mating rituals and reproductive scenarios, during which the male brain is fully occupied in sending messages to the pituitary gland triggering production of testosterone (which, incidentally, is also responsible for making the individual drool).

The inevitable conclusion of these observations is that Apple coats their products with certain pheromones acting as a highly effective sexual stimulus. Since the next Apple store is just a 10 min walk, I shall test this hypothesis myself. Should I develop the madness described above, please shoot me on sight.

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